I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
