Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
