Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
