so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Randomize
