Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
