i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
