Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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