it's not cheating when I paid for it
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
