1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
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