I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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