she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
