Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
