i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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