I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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