Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
