Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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