fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Green mimosas i think yes
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
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