Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
