TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
