the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
