i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Welp...herpes.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
