This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
