The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
