ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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