A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
