Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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