so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize