we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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