well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
