I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
