I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
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