You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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