not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Are my feet made of real feet?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
