She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
