The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
