i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
