just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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