I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
