i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
