Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Randomize