We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
