i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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