roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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