Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
