I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
