I skipped work to stalk him.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
