My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Your mouth is God's brothel.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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