the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Randomize
