I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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