You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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