it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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