Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
