Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
