Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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