Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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