I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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