just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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