We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
