He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
