So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize