I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
