i just sent this text using only my big toe
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
