lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
