Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Someone signed my nipple.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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