bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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