she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
