for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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