Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
