Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
