he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
