is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
